I know, after all these months of a post-a-week, I have failed you all. I actually feel this strange feeling of treason. I have a new understanding of the famed Benedict Arnold. I left you all and filled a different spot in the Blogosphere, one that I am very content with.
I started this blog to release my inner frustrations and sheer madness. I had wanted the freedom of publicly displaying my randomness and innermost turmoil. And at first it was soothing and helpful, until it was no longer. I somehow got these dreams of grandeur and publicity, aspirations to get Freshly Pressed. That was my first and most detrimental mistake. Once I set those goals for myself, I set myself up for failure.
For one, I really did not want to be Freshly Pressed. There is way too much of a pressure when having so many followers on my blog when I can hardly find the time to write. I don’t want to struggle to please all of my viewers. If it was my business, I would be game. But it is not. My business is being a mom and for me, the non-supermom, it is beyond a full-time profession. I stripped myself of all the fun that came with blogging.
So one day, I opened up WordPress and decided that it was time for a change. It was time for me to create another safe haven for my overabundance of words. I was desperately craving the freedom of letting loose of my vulgarity. Most of all, I wanted to live a peaceful life of anonymity. After that it was easy, I created an anonymous blog with an anonymous email address. I picked a basic theme and explicitly stated on a sidebar widget that I was not looking for followers, but would welcome anyone who wished to join.
Reverse psychology, people.
This time I had no expectations. I would actually be quite mortified if I got Freshly Pressed. I am picturing hordes of people vomiting from my TMI and gasping from my obscenities. It is not as if it’s a bawdy blog, it’s just a safe haven for freedom of speech. It is a journal and a place to release my frustrations. The posts are not completely lacking in grammar and punctuation, but in a courtroom they would need a whole lot of lawyers fighting for them in their abuse of the English License.
I can not leave this blog because I spent many days making it what it is. I have this special place in my heart for it. I will write only when I have something to say that I desperately wish to proofread. I met great bloggers through this place, and I am not ready to go. I just can’t promise a post-a-week anymore.
It is funny how my new blog became popular without any effort. It is not central meeting area for bloggers, but it gets far more views than this one ever got.
I am glad to back, though.
I have never met anyone in my life that was more complex and more pessimistic than she was. She had always boggled my mind. Unlike the game of Boggle, no matter how hard I shook her, those obnoxiously loud little cubes did not settle into actual words. Whichever way you turned her, the sequence of letters did not clarify a thing. The words that came from her mouth, or pen, were always far beyond my comprehension. They never fell into their plastic square grid forming logical explanatory words, the dice just tumbled into a muddling mayhem.
She grew up in a loving home and seemed to have passed through all the proper and common channels into adolescence. She was stubborn, unfaltering, and highly motivated. She constantly aimed for perfection. She seemed to a be a typical teenager and average student, everything appeared to be ordinary from a distance. However, from nearby, not so much.
She spoke in riddles, confusing even herself, at times. Her writings were unusually bitter and unhappy, unnaturally gruesome and brooding. There were many mentions of death and darkness and quite an impressive vocabulary, that till this day, I can not make sense of. Behind every word of her poems were strings of meanings and alternate ways of understanding each phrase, even Shakespeare would have been impressed. Read the rest of this entry
To The Apples Of My Eye:
My dearest faithful followers,
I am here today groveling before you, begging for your forgiveness. I must offer my sincere apologies and show my deepest remorse for my misdeeds and any mistreatment. I don’t own you, and I never have. You are individuals and you are my companions, not my slaves.
Sometimes I forget that this is a family, not a tyranny. I did not gain this power through great deeds or victories, I don’t even deserve it. I have no right to oppress you and ignore each of your individual interests. I don’t have the liberty to inflict pain in any form. I asked for you. You are my gifts, not my soldiers. You aren’t obligated to heed to my every command or execute my every decree.
I am not authorized to punish you with painful scoldings or harsh criticism. I must use words to express my wishes, and I must always remember that requests can only be asked, not commanded. I can’t enforce on you senseless demands, and I can’t penalize you for when you don’t please me. You can’t suffer because of who you are. Read the rest of this entry
Remember the times when days took days, hours took hours, and minutes took minutes? Well it seems that as the years went by, all of what we were used to suddenly changed significantly. Generally, time flies when you are having fun, when you are too busy, or when you are aging and every precious minute seems like it is not enough. Those were always reasons that I was aware of until we got a new added contribution to the list; technology. Our modern, fast-paced society has changed our lives dramatically and there is no going back.
I had planned a week packed with hopeful accomplishments and before I got anything done, it was Thursday. I am not even sure how it happened. I did not spend a lot of time on the computer and I did not do any intense house cleanups. So what did I do? How did I not manage to step foot into my art room that I so elegantly arranged? It is beyond me… Read the rest of this entry
Resolutions attempts have begun. I opened the yoga mat!
That’s as much as I did
That’s as far as I went
The mat is now opened
It was one small step for my hands, one giant leap for me.
I am quite restless today and my brain is wired. When I have days like this, I either accomplish a lot, talk a lot, rhyme a lot more, or achieve nothing at all. So today I will present some pictures of the stormy clouds and silently cry over all the good shots I am seeing from my window at the moment and missing. It’s cold, I can’t get up to take any more pictures. Lazy and fidgety at the same time, how does that even work? (sigh) Read the rest of this entry
Quoting Frank Ra (author of the new year’s resolution book “A course in happiness“): “Resolutions are more sustainable when shared, both in terms of with whom you share the benefits of your resolution, and with whom you share the path of maintaining your resolution. Peer-support makes a difference in success rate with new year’s resolutions”.
These are the days when everybody piles up the numbers of unattainable goals on their long New Year’s Resolution list. I decided to look back at my last year’s resolution to see if I had accomplished my goal, and see if I wanted to set myself up for failure once again. Problem is, however, this blog did not exist a year ago and other than blogging, I have no other diary of my life and all of its deficiencies, aspirations, and achievements. Read the rest of this entry
I have a few passions that I do nothing with, and I had grand plans of how I could combine two of them. I really enjoy art and photography, but I am not professionally skilled in either. I drool every time I check out photography blogs, but I will make my self feel better by convincing myself that they have fancy cameras and previous schooling. I have a pretty lousy camera and I don’t have enough time to draw or paint. So I entered an art store in the hopes of taking some pictures of all the things that I wish I knew how to use. Once I realized how I had no idea how to take pictures, I left and walked into some other types of shops. I continued on and just clicked away like a snap-happy tourist.
As I write, I have a child yanking my arm and repeating the word “Mommy” more times that I ever thought possible. It’s the holiday weekend and honestly, I have not had enough time or energy to come up with any extra brain power to produce a post, so instead I will show off some of my shots. Read the rest of this entry
I love the snow that is drifting across my blog because we don’t get snow where I live, and this is the most I will get to see. It has this calming and therapeutic effect on me, I should bring it to my next massage. I have been seeing a physical therapist over the past few weeks for my stiff, board-like neck and back hoping for some relief. I have gotten some, but it seems like a temporary fix and it’s highly addictive.
The first time I entered the office, I was faced with many chuckling eyes that appeared to have been mocking me for being the only patient under 65 years of age. I spoke with my soon-to-be therapist about why I was present at their practice, and still she seemed to be pondering whether my appearance was a mistake. I complained to her of tension and cramps in my back and neck along with terrible migraines which were causing lightening explosions behind my eyes. Read the rest of this entry