Shay, this is the Sun. Sun, this is Shay.

My internet is not working (it would really help to pay our bills) and now I am left with nothing productive to do. It is kind of depressing to say that, but I have the washer and dryer running and the house is basically clean. The baby is napping and I am in dire need of a shower, but of course, I will post instead.

I started reading a lot of blogs and they are all different in many ways aside for their one similarity. Most people have stories to tell because they get out of their houses, and most people have pictures to display because they have a camera. How profound, I know.

Problem is, I never leave my house and I don’t have a camera. Yeah, how do I survive? I am beginning to see that perhaps, I do not. I used to own a camera and still do. However, a few months back, I lost the charger in the enormous mess that is strangely concealed somewhere within my home. So basically, there is no camera.

I hardly ever leave the house and therefore, I don’t meet people. My husband, on the other hand, is a chick magnet and ‘the craziest thing ever’ magnet. Every day, he comes home with a tale of “You won’t believe what I saw, it was the craziest thing EVER!” or “I saw so-and-so today and she is blah blah blah.” (How descriptive) Did that sound jealous? Neh.

I am pretty sure he does see the oddest things ever, though. One time, it was this guy holding a box of vegetables and he just flipped over a small wall backwards. Next time it was a young religious girl bending over, revealing a massive fresh tattoo on her back. Always a bunch of random occurrences. Another time, a girl was walking by a group of boys and she tried desperately to get their attention (Don’t laugh, I remember doing things like this) and she threw her phone up in the air and caught it. She did it again, but this time it went up and came down crashing onto the pavement and shattered into many, tiny pieces. It happened smack in front of all the guys.

So, he has plenty of stories to tell. This doesn’t help my blog at all, though. He should have one. I need to know all the details to express my point and retold stories will not suffice. The only stories I have over my day are about my children. Some of us moms don’t want to just talk about our children all day. I have met other moms before and all everyone talks about are their kids.

I love my children very much, but I am with them all day and really would not like to spend my free time talking about the toilet training experience. Or about the late nights that they keep me up, or the vomit, or the disasters that they have been creating lately. I don’t want to talk about the dirty laundry or the dishes. I have enough of that all on my own; I don’t care to share it.

Those moms are the ones you meet in the parks or your husband knows their husband. I want other moms. I want to go out on a karaoke night and drink a few drinks. I want to go out to eat without little hands pulling at me or babysitters calling. I want some away time from it all.

Problem is, once I do get hold of this free time, I don’t want the women. I would prefer my husband. I don’t want to sit in bed and watch a movie together, though it is nice sometimes. I would much rather getting out of my comfort zone. Once a week, I want OUT. I want to see the ‘funniest thing ever’, that he seems to be exposed to, but with him.

I want a camera to capture these moments. I want to have something to write about in my blog other than my kids. I want to have stories to tell about some cyclist’s gluteus maximus shifting on his bike. (Thank you LiveLaughLoveLiquor for the sweet image you have left in my head throughout the weekend.)

I have to arrange a bank holdup. I need some money to buy a camera and to leave my house. It costs money to leave. I need a car. (Stop gasping. I know. How can someone not own a car? No, I am not Amish) I need to travel and see the world. I need to lower my expectations and maybe start with seeing something a bit more in my capabilities. Like a coffee shop, for example. I need to meet some people that are not talking about their chores and children all day. But rather, about all the things I used to love.

I need to recall all the things I used to love and the things I used to talk about. There is nothing ringing bells in my head at the moment. I need to remind myself what sunshine is, instead of walking out to get my kids off to school and shielding my eyes from the painful rays.

Girl, this is a sun. Sun, this is Shay.

Perhaps, tomorrow. My Pj’s are cozy and the world’s too big. I need to create a plan before I enter unprepared into the vast outdoors. But first, I need to find a pair of sunglasses.

[Edit: I needed to return to mention the following:
As I sat writing this post complaining of nothing productive to do, I failed to take care of my obligations as a mom. As I sat grumbling about my deficiencies, the phone in the house rang. I, too lazy to answer it, ignored its calling. Then moments later, my cell phone rang. I figured it was the same caller who insisted on disturbing my ‘free time’ and went to see who it was and why. The caller ID showed my son’s school and all I wondered was what it would be this time. Bad diaper? Non-stop crying? I answered the phone quite reluctantly and perhaps impolitely too.
“Yeah, hi” (I know. So rude.)
“Hi. Does someone plan on getting Ozzy any time today?”
“OH MY G-D! I am SO sorry. I don’t even know how I managed to forget.”   (Yes I do. It was as easy as pie.)
Quit the whining and take care of your duties, girl. Try not to forget your son in school. And while we are reminding, don’t leave a stick of butter in the hot cast-iron pan when all you wanted to do was coat it. No reason to waste an entire stick.
And by the way, contrary to your beliefs, you DO NOT have free time. Maybe in some other life. Snap back to reality. (Seriously, did I have to say that? Now I will be singing Eminem for the next 24 hours) Go be a mom, blog later.]

Posted on February 27, 2011, in My Daily Blogs and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Ah…..Shay….I know the feeling well. I too, had an alternative life where going out was fun. i am trying to get back to ‘me” but its 50 pounds and a looooooong road ahead. I dont know if I will ever be the same again. Like a ceramic that gets glued back together after it has been smashed (by the children, no doubt), I am just quite NOT the same. Not necessarily in a bad way, but just…. emptier. For now. I think we both need to go out and ahve some fun. How far are you from NJ? :=-) Wanna meet in Mexico/ hahahahah…..sigh…..

    And I was once 10 minutes late to pick up my daughter for the same reason. Dont feel so bad!!!

    p.s. thanks for linking me.

  2. ok…
    im back!
    today im pretending to be sick in bed(hence my tea made by the husband, and the laundry still in the machine for over 24 hours, and honestly i dont know what else is goin on cus im SIK TODAY!!!)
    Anyhow as i was sayin.. i just wanted to tune in and say love love love your blog again. ive been outta commission for quite some time- i was meeting the sun. anyhow.. i met the sun- it is nice… but for sum reason i dont get to c those crazy stories either.. so dont think IF you get out u get to c so and so… and s the crazy things…. i reverted back to my bed. the world is too big. pjs are cozy….
    k gotta go back to being sick….
    keep up the posts!

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