Computer Tyranny

I am trying exhaustively to post, but there are Dr. Seuss lines ringing through my head. My husband is in the other room reading “Our eyes see flies. Our eyes see ants. Sometimes they see pink underpants” from The Eye Book. I can’t think straight with the raised voice decibel in this house. The kids are scrambling my brain.

We told Child Number Two to stop making so much noise, and he said, “Put your fingers in your ears and then you wont have a problem.” He came over to me and told me, “Mommy, I just can’t deal with you now.” For a newly three-year-old, the kid’s got a mouth. It’s kind of scary when you have to be on your best behavior around your children or they will be mimicking you at the worst of times and yelling the “rare” obscenities that you may possibly shout.

Deafening noises… Zero concentration…

Okay, that was several hours ago. They are long since sleeping along with the hubs. This dragged out posting is going to pose as a complication someday. (I was going to write ‘issue someday’ but then I read a definition for ‘issue’ is children (no joke there) and I figured that usage was way more precise.) When I stop and start my posts throughout the week, they turn into a hodgepodge of ideas, confusing even myself.

And here goes…

In case anyone was worrying, my hubs told me that I should write about the fact that computers can never take over the world. I never did have any fears about those boxes running loose, but he wanted me to comfort those with CWD phobia, fear of Computer World Domination.

As I chuckle about such nonsense, I am introduced to a whole new world of the actual existence of people such as this. “Why does it have to take so long for the computers to rise up and kill us? The suspense is just maddening.” This is a quote from an interesting article by Andrew Kessel, that I just chanced upon. Thank you, Google.

I am not entirely sure if Google is singular or plural or male or female and so Google, I truly apologize in advance if I hurt your feelings in my choice of adjectives. You guys are here for me more than I can believe is humanly possible. I even suffer severe withdrawal when you are not by my side. Without you, how would I ever find The Most Amazing Carrot Muffins, or figure out How To Get Permanent Marker Out Of Upholstery, or How To Knit A Scarf, or How To Stalk My Ex-Boyfriends….

Now that IBM created Watson, the supercomputer that officially can beat even the biggest Jeopardy! champions, there are now things that are pretty powerful. I admit, the idea can be scary. They hold way too much RAM and information that we can’t even read over a lifetime of studying. But thankfully, every Joe Shmoe does not own one of the supreme and masterful gadgets. I feel like I can safely say that computers will never actually take over the world, even if they beat us at every game of Jeopardy!.

The true reason behind my firm beliefs are thanks to Vonage. One of our phone lines are through Vonage VoIP and they have shown me that either we do not speak audibly, or that they are just computers and can not decipher human voices clearly. My mom left a message for me that I had missed and while I was on the computer, I figured I would check it out. They started this new Vonage Visual Voicemail option in which they transcribe the messages for me so that I can read them online. It seemed harmless at first, until I read the email.

I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself. My hubs came in and asked me what happened and I couldn’t talk with all the tears streaming down my face. My mom innocently gave a seemingly simple message that was so different from what I read. I had to listen to the message to even comprehend the absurd but painfully hysterical transcription turn out. My mom is a proper woman and idiom such as this would Never escape her lips, nor the grammar and term confusion that followed it.

“Hi Sandy, I just want to tell you that I used I think that macadamia nut oil will be okay for yet here because it’s not your typical month. So and I don’t know I use it for to go and I don’t think it father so I just can’t make rename for that but I I don’t think about us and let you know for sure because I fart a lot of meat balls tonight. Okay. Bye”

Vonage would like to know what you think about this Vonage Visual Voicemail message.

Was this transcribed message useful?

Yes

No

No, Vonage, not really. Though it was quite humorous.

Don’t worry. You shouldn’t feel vulnerable or threatened by computer abilities. Though astonishingly capable and intelligent, it is highly improbable that Computer World Domination will be occurring anywhere in the near future. The world is substantially more complex than your average game of Jeopardy!.

Something you really do have to worry about, though, is Meatball Flatulence. That issue seems to be more current and far more alarming.

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Posted on April 21, 2011, in My Daily Blogs and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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