Adult-Proofed Home

I was so tempted to put ‘porn’ in the Enter title here spot. Don’t get me wrong, I am pretty sure I will never be at that much of a loss for words to head towards that topic. Additionally, I am extremely bothered by that subject matter and I will attempt to stay as far away as humanly possible.  All I was aiming for, was for some readers.

I know, it sounds so desperate and it’s as if I am begging all the biggest spammers and hackers to pay a visit to my private little world. I do get some people to stop by, but the comments are very few and far in coming. I like to get a sense that people are reading my blog without having to check my stats. It is becoming obsessive. It isn’t normal.

The reason why I was thinking about how to get some attention and to get anyone to stop by, was because I found it quite amusing as to what was a  prevalent search in my blog. I get viewers every few days directed over to my site in hope of reading about Pinctada Maxima. Now that is odd. So many people do searches on a pearl that they end up here. So incredibly strange. Although, it does seem to work in my getting new friends dilemma.

Anyhow, all of that aside, I have to refrain from the desperate pleas for feedback. Blogging is a work in progress. You need to just keep going at it and be patient. The trait I have always been lacking. So I will have to talk about something that has been driving me mad instead.

I am trying to figure out why companies feel the need to adult-proof EVERYTHING. Baby-proofing I understand, of course. But I am starting to throw things across the room from frustration. It is as if they don’t want me to eat, drink, or clean my house. I need to hire a Unbaby-Proofing Expert.

I was okay when they made the clicking caps for medicine as a child safety precaution. I would agree to a baby-proof home if it meant my children could be left for a few minutes as I take the long-awaited bathroom trip. I can be pretty sure that they are not downing bleach from a bottle or mistaking red floor cleaner for cool aid. I love them and all, but they are the furthest from rocket scientists. They aren’t opening those cabinet locks. Even I have trouble, and that is the issue.

After a few minutes of what seems to be me attacking the cabinet lock, it finally unlatches. The last thing I want to face after that annoyance is the stainless steel pot pile crashing to the floor. The sound of the Jenga cookware tower collapsing, is quite unbearable. Apparently, I would never win that game. And I thought I stacked them up just right. Presumably, I suck at balance in all aspects.

Running to the bathroom, well in this house, you can never run to the bathroom. Unless you got the toilet lock down-pat, you better refrain from the last second dash. I have had many issues. Lets just say, that although in the movies they easily pee in the sink, my sinks can not withstand my weight. There are no vanities beneath them and they are way too high to aim for. Downsides of not being male. Even then, no matter how tempted, I can’t get the image of the sink smashing down and me being knocked out from the water pressure. Then this clip comes into my head and I can’t stop laughing.

Speaking of toilets, I have this toilet cleaner that has a semi clicking top. Every time I try to open it, my palms get marked up and sore and still, I can’t get the cover off. I have thrown it on numerous occasions. I need that stuff and I have started leaving it ‘unsafely’ with its cap off. So sue me. I have to keep up the impression that women don’t use the bathroom. We only pee, didn’t you know that. I have to be sure that there is not a trace of any human toxin release.

Perhaps my grip abilities are dwindling away with age or that these manufacturers have it out for me. Sometimes, all I want to do is open a soda, or the mayonnaise, or anything for that matter, and these things are sealed as if they’re poison. Hmm… Maybe it is to keep us back from inhaling these unhealthy foods. Yeah, for some reason, I doubt it. Or it is just to brag and show us how tight they can close up a product. Company competition. To add as many plastic seals on top to save their butts from possible lawsuits. Either way, I can’t get anything open anymore. And yes, when I need to give my screeching, feverish child medicine, I can NEVER get the damn bottle open.

I admit to it though, I don’t have the sockets plugged up with little plastic things anymore. I could never get them out when I needed to. I will try my hardest not to stick any bobby pins in or metal knives. However, I am pretty sure not even that can make my hair look worse than it has been looking, thanks to no-poo.

Posted on May 2, 2011, in My Daily Blogs and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. I think I mentioned the word PORN in one of my posts and I got quite a bit of traffice that way. Also “victoris secret” and “ex’ were big traffic grabbers, but none of those terms trumped the word “snooki”. Now, i know these people arent reading my blog, but its a funny way to gte traffic.
    Whats worse is the fetish traffic I get from words liek pee-pee and poop. I’m tempted to just throw in a whole bunch of those words in one non-sensical post and watch traffic shoot up that way, LOL. I imagine it would eb liek making fresh pressed, LOL
    In all seriousness, how do you market your blog? I post mine of facebook, which drives most traffic, mainly thru reposts. Also , make a blog page on FB. I’ve also posted mine on a couple of mom-type websites.
    Stumbled upon has given me very little traffic (maybe 2 hits) and I’ve posted yours on stumbled upon before too.
    Otherwise, give yourself good tags, and you may get s few from the dashboard as well.

    • LOL. Fetish traffic. It is amazing how from tags and titles you can get loads of visitors. I just want to try to get them honestly :)I know it takes time. You have been a very loyal commenter, thank you for that. I have been told by many people I know that they read my blog and really liked certain posts. I can’t figure out why it is so hard to just star it at least.

      What are examples of mom-type websites?

  2. or cafemom would be a good start.

  3. I was just thinking about this. I was working and I couldnt get the clorox toilet cleaner open. Mind you its bleach, I used my teeth, no problems there 🙂

  4. my theory on those bottles…. They make them so tight and unable to open, cus they want u to belittle urself to ask ur spouse to pls open it for u so at least they seem like their good for sumthing. it works. and about the toilet thing- my kid has yet to figure out how to stick things in- so far the door lock works pretty well.

    • I just read on the mayo- sealed for you protection. Really? Okay, safer so that no one can open it and stick something in or let it spoil, but at least have the decency to make perforated lines so I can get the plastic seal off.

      And it did not take too long for the little guy to start throwing his pacifiers and sippy cups in the toilet.

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