I HATE Nightmares
You know, I have forgotten how much I hated nightmares. It has been a really long time since my dreams have gone sour and now, that sabbatical has been more than shattered. I tend to wake up remembering 1-2 dreams and usually, they are standard, decent ones. Sometimes they are ‘yummy and delicious’ and I try not to wake up and snuggle into my pillow. At those times, I silently curse the child who made me leave my blissful and perfect world. You know how it is.
Last night, I had the honor of being the most incompetent character in a really bad dream. I refuse to say it over because even thinking about it, makes me shudder. I trembled for a good half hour afterwards as my eyes glanced around the room, as if on speed. Experiencing those intense feelings of panic and terror all the while being completely and utterly helpless, far exceeded ‘agonizing and tortuous’. It was my own personal, chilling, heart-racing horror movie.
I had to be shaken awake because I was emitting ear-piercing screams. It did not sound like that in my dream, though. It was this terrible, echoed, gibberish mumbling that would not leave my mouth. It was as if my body was swallowing its own words. I was trying to call my husband and the scream got slowed down and distorted. It was like in the movies when someone shouts “Noooo” in slow motion.
Not exactly like that. It’s more like when people take clips that have someone yelling, and they drag it out in slow motion that it muffles the sound. That, is basically what it feels like. The words get caught. Everything gets caught. The dream all happens at a regular speed, but when it comes to you, your whole reaction, and all your abilities, get stuck at a lumbering pace.
I tried to run and that didn’t work out either. My legs were heavy and dragging, eventually turning to jello and finally collapsing. I was cursing out the lower half of my body for not helping me bolt from the situation. Instead, I stood there like a complete moron. I was paralyzed. All you can do in a nightmare like this, is shiver in fear. You are incapable of saving yourself or helping anyone else.
When I am sick or stressed out, nightmares are triggered and so I know the cause. Even so, I would like to go back to my sweet dreams. The ones that make me curl up in my bed reveling in its fragile, tender moments. All the special sensations that come along with good dreams. Someday, I hope they invent a machine to allow us to choose what we will face in the night. I always choose comedy and romance over horror. Save the nightmares for the horror movie lovers.
I am a simple gal who likes happy thoughts. I don’t want to relive my subconscious mind’s fears and deep emotional terrors. Let them stay there. I was fine with them buried deep.