The Clash

That same question has been spiraling around my head making me dizzy. I sat for days researching areas in the United States and I was overwhelmed with information that I did not want to hear. The economy is bad, the prices are insane, the pollution is terrible, the government is twisted… It did not stop for a second. I was seeing far too deep into each state that none were good enough for me to move my entire life to.

If that was confusing, then what came next was a whole different level of pandemonium in the confined spaces of my head. I was struck by spaghetti brain. Then the latter was scrambled in a pot, then stepped on, and finally electrocuted. Maybe my vision of the my head innards seems a little graphic, but it is the best way that I can describe it.

I began selling the contents of my home for very reasonable prices and they were going fast. Days of chaos. E-mails, phone calls, indescribably annoying-as-hell buyers, incredibly pathetic questions from extremely uneducated people, and then of course the ones who bargain you down until you are ill to the stomach. By the time they finish, you beg them to either take it and scram before you hit their head off with a bat; or you say sarcastically, “How about I just pay you to take it off of my hands.” And then you whisper ‘cheapskate moron‘ and a stream of obscenities under your breath.

Thankfully, all I sold was the clutter. I am not sure how I ever had all those things without tripping and landing awkwardly on my face. When I took pictures of each item and placed the prices beneath the image, I could not believe the toy store that  had formed over the years. I had all Little Tikes and Fisher Price toys, many large outdoor ones as well. There were so many things that they still looked crisp being hardly used. My walls, on the other hand, look badly bruised from all the riding toys to wall, head-on collisions.

After my junk and toy mélange slowly dwindled away, my husband said the most unexpected thing, “We are going to try to stay here, it is best for our family.” He said he would try to get himself drafted into the army to learn a trade and learn the language. So for now I am still here. Very much confused and missing all of my old mess, but slowly forming a new one. I made some extra cash and my brain is still set on leaving but trying to get used to remaining here.

Now we need to work on buying a car and I need to find a job. It’s time to start looking into freelance writing and medical coding/billing. Something I can do from home while I become a military wife. The comfort I can have is that he wouldn’t go to the battle fields but work behind the scenes in the bases doing construction or mechanics and the like.

I have always had so much respect for single moms and wives of those in the army. I never understood how they had the strength to hold on and stay strong for their families. I could hardly hold the fort down with a very helpful husband. I honestly hoped never to understand. It doesn’t matter now anyways. Until there is some concrete evidence that the hubs will join the army it’s all talk like moving and not moving. Every day is another story. Heck, every hour it all changes.

So for the moment, we shall remain here. I am praying that next post wont say the opposite. I just can’t make these life-changing decisions again. I can’t keep up with the uncertainty and constant plan reversal.

For now I will go back to making my Persian dinner. It is a great way to occupy my mind and American food has been boring me. Although, I should probably not bash American style food because when I flop this meal, it will be my only safe option for future meals.

That’s the latest. Thanks for reading.

Posted on August 18, 2011, in My Daily Blogs and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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