Drunk With Power

To The Apples Of My Eye:

My dearest faithful followers,

I am here today groveling before you, begging for your forgiveness. I must offer my sincere apologies and show my deepest remorse for my misdeeds and any mistreatment. I don’t own you, and I never have. You are individuals and you are my companions, not my slaves.

Sometimes I forget that this is a family, not a tyranny. I did not gain this power through great deeds or victories, I don’t even deserve it.  I have no right to oppress you and ignore each of your individual interests. I don’t have the liberty to inflict pain in any form. I asked for you. You are my gifts, not my soldiers. You aren’t obligated to heed to my every command or execute my every decree.

I am not authorized to punish you with painful scoldings or harsh criticism. I must use words to express my wishes, and I must always remember that requests can only be asked, not commanded. I can’t enforce on you senseless demands, and I can’t penalize you for when you don’t please me. You can’t suffer because of who you are.

I am required to give you infinite and unconditional love. You don’t have to merit my affection, you are entitled to it. You need not be deserving, you were born worthy of everything I can possibly offer. It should never be something you are required to struggle and work for, it’s yours.

I can express my desires, and you can choose to listen. I have to gently teach you the skills to differentiate between right and wrong, good and evil. I have to help guide you, not order you. I want you to grow in a family of love, not a tyranny of fear. I confused my job, I admit I have erred.

Repeatedly, I have wrongfully chastised and berated, and I have made impractical and impossible expectations of what you must be. I have set far to strict of standards for how I believe, you should behave. I wanted desperately for you to succeed, but the power has consumed me.

I have begun to want your success for myself, for you to succeed where I failed. I suddenly expected you to live my dreams, and become what I wanted you to be. I took away your independence and rights as an individual. That wasn’t ever my intention, and now I have to make crucial adjustments to my ways.

I wanted to bring you into a beautiful world of freedom. I wanted you to have any dream at your fingertips. I wanted to give you sufficient tools to build your self-esteem and become your heart’s desires. It’s okay that once you found yourself, it made me afraid. It’s part of growing up and letting go. It’s me realizing that I had accomplished my real dreams that I had before power overtook me.

I have brought up free thinkers who are now choosing justice and love. I can’t scold you for dreaming. I can’t rebuke you for responding differently than I had hoped. I need to love you unreservedly. I can’t run this place like I am a heartless boss. I can’t teach you to do things only because I demanded you to. I have to teach you respect, by respecting you. I must teach you love, by loving you. I am responsible to instruct you to listen, by listening to you. You should never be educated through fear. 

All that I have been doing was fallacious. I have taught you to scold, by scolding you. I have instilled in you to shout, in place of communicating through words. I have instructed you all wrong. I haven’t taken charge of my anger, and I let my eyes visibly show hatred. I have been bitter towards innovation and indifferent towards individuality and imagination.

I have mismanaged my position and misused my control. I am begging for your forgiveness. I got drunk with power and I forgot who I was. Worst of all, I forgot who you were. I only want the best for you, and I hope you always make the correct choices. I hope you know that even the imperfect choices, are right and worth making. Without wrong, we will never know right. I hope when you make mistakes and fall down, you happily get up steadily and stand tall to try again. Without falling, you can never stand up. You should never admonish yourself for poor decisions, just make better ones the next time you do.

There is never a justification for inflicting pain on someone else, and we must always act towards others, how we want to be treated. Everyone deserves respect, and everyone must be judged favorably. You are no different from anyone else, and if anything I should hold you in higher esteem. We are a family, and I don’t get a chance to do these years over again. All I have, is here and now.

Only, I, can make sure that I don’t leave myself with painful regrets. Only, I, can make sure that you are treated with utmost respect, and that you get all that you rightfully deserve. I brought you here to shower you with endless and unequivocal love. To teach you how to, one day, do the same to others and to your future followers.

I’m sorry, again, for enforcing my expectations on you. I am sorry for demanding respect and causing fear. You owe me nothing, I owe you the world.

I am a leader, not a ruler. Before I am dismissed, please give me another chance.

With all the love in the world,

Your mother

Posted on January 25, 2012, in My Daily Blogs and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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